Cathy Seapy

Parenting, Pregnancy

Five Questions You May Have About Adoption

You have your college and career plans laid out. Unexpectedly, you find yourself pregnant. That was not part of the plan until later. Is making an adoption plan a good alternative? Women choosing adoption play an active role in every part of the adoption process as they customize the plan that is right for them. You may have questions about the process. Here are the answers to the most frequently asked questions.

When do I have to decide about adoption?

You can decide on adoption at any point during your pregnancy or after the baby is born. The timing of your child’s placement depends on your preference, legal aspects, and the role of the birth-father. Many mothers want their baby placed with the adoptive family directly from the hospital, while others may choose interim care while they consider their adoption decision even if it is a few weeks or months later. Both you and the expectant father have rights. If you disagree about adoption or you no longer have a relationship with your baby’s father, your agency will work with him and/or the courts to determine his rights.

Can I choose the family where my child is placed?

Yes, you can. Most adoption agencies have adoptive couples who have been studied and approved providing you with dozens of parents that you can choose from who are ready to adopt. There are standards that every prospective adoptive family must meet which are set by both the agency and the state where they live.

What will happen at the hospital?

You can decide how things go at the hospital and spend as much time with your baby as you choose. You can see and hold your baby and even choose his/her name. Adoptive parents consider your child as a gift to them and are happy to have you be part of the experience.

How much contact may I have after my child is born?

You choose the level of contact you wish to have with your child. If you choose an open adoption, you will be allowed ongoing visits throughout your child’s life and can keep in touch through phone calls or even visits. If you choose a less open adoption, you can still be kept informed of your child’s development through letters and photo that will be mediated by the adoption agency or a third party. Confidential adoptions are also possible should you prefer not to have any contact with your child.

How much will an adoption cost?

Every state differs in the legal ramifications.  In many states, you will not need an attorney and most agencies provide services to you at no cost.    If there are legal fees, the adoptive family usually pays those costs.  Many adoption agencies can guide you to the resources you need for housing, medical and other assistance, and maternity clothing during your pregnancy.

At LivingWell, we provide hope for you to pursue and accomplish your plans and dreams. We know that the decisions you make about your pregnancy will affect your future as well as your baby’s.

Adoption is a big decision and one that you should think through before making a final decision. Research has shown that pregnant women who make an adoption plan are more likely than single parents to finish school, have better jobs and overall report a high level of satisfaction with their decision for adoption. If you want to talk more about your options for adoption, schedule an appointment today.

Neva Monigatti-Lake

Neva Monigatti-Lake

Medical Director

The content on this page has been reviewed and approved by our Medical Director.

Pregnancy

I think I might be pregnant! Now what?

I think I might be pregnant

Every month your period comes like clockwork – except this month. You feel tired and achy and just can’t seem to shake the flu bug that has been plaguing you for the last couple of weeks. And every time someone asks you a question you get irritated.

You didn’t plan it. You thought you’d taken precautions. But there’s no denying it; you took a pregnancy test and you’re definitely pregnant! Now what?

Pregnancy brings with it a wave of emotions. For some, this may be a happy moment, for others it can seem like the world is about to end. Either way, an unexpected pregnancy means the future may not look like what you had expected.

After the initial shock of the positive test, your mind may be flooded with questions. Often the first is “How will I tell everyone that I’m pregnant?”

Consider telling your partner first, especially if you are in a healthy relationship. Look for an undistracted time to share the news. Tell him what you are thinking and feeling. Remember, you aren’t the only one feeling fear right now. Ask him to share his thoughts and feelings with you, too. Keep in mind that news of a pregnancy was not something he was expecting, and he may need some time and space to process his emotions before responding, and that’s OK.

At some point you realize that you’re going to have to tell your parents, and the sooner you do the better. It’s perfectly normal to be afraid to tell them something that you know will disappoint them. You’ve probably had similar feelings when you had to let them know that you failed a class, got into a fight, lied to them, or did something else that was sure to make them upset.

You got through it, and felt so much better.

Decide when, where, and how you’ll tell them, and decide who should be present for the conversation. Choose a time when your parents are relaxed and free to talk for a while. If possible, take your partner with you. This will show a level of maturity and willingness to take responsibility from both of you.

Now is the time to be completely honest with them. Your parents will probably feel upset that you got pregnant, but they will ultimately survive. It’s not the end of the world. In the shock of the moment things might be said that you find hurtful, but don’t take it personally. Chances are they might not have known that you are sexually active, so they may need some time to absorb the news of your pregnancy. Their anger, shock, and negative reactions are just your parents’ way of working through their emotions. But the shock won’t last forever.

You are dealing with a difficult situation right now, and although it may be hard at first, talking to your parents about your pregnancy is really the right thing to do.

Many parents have a hard time expressing their feelings to their children, but most parents truly love their children and want the best for them.

After the initial shock has faded, talk with your parents about how you will handle this situation. Words like abortion and adoption might come up. This might be what you are also thinking, but it’s best to wait until everyone is calmer before talking about all the choices ahead of you. Some parents might try to pressure you to do something you don’t want to do. So, be prepared to stand up for yourself if you do not agree. You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with.

If you think you might be pregnant but are unsure what to do or maybe you just need a place to talk through your options, LivingWell is here to help walk you through the process. Give us a call 530-272-6800 to schedule a free and confidential appointment.

Neva Monigatti-Lake

Neva Monigatti-Lake

Medical Director

The content on this page has been reviewed and approved by our Medical Director.

Relationships

7 Warning Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

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There are many different reasons people start relationships. Sometimes they’re lonely. Sometimes they see a chance for something better or they need someone to reassure them. Sometimes they want acceptance by another person.

Often, people stay in unhealthy relationships because they feel they really love the other person, and they hope things will change for the better. Some relationships change with a little work and counseling, but if your partner is unwilling to get outside help or wants you to keep the problems in your relationship a secret that may be a sign that he doesn’t really want to change. Remember, someone who really loves you will treat you with respect, kindness, and patience. He will be honest with you and value your thoughts and feelings. And, of course, he won’t be violent or force sex on you.

7 Warning Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

  1. When there is a disagreement, you’re always wrong and he’s always right.
  2. You fear bringing up a subject that is important to you because he might get really angry.
  3. He uses alcohol or drugs a lot. After he has been drinking or using, he can’t remember what he said or did to you.
  4. He tries to control your access to money, who you spend time with, where (or whether) you work, how you dress, or how you act.
  5. You feel bad about yourself because he calls you names, makes fun of you, or views you as stupid, ignorant, or incompetent.
  6. He lies to you or cheats on you.
  7. He promises to change but doesn’t.

If you’re experiencing one or more of these signs of an unhealthy relationship, it may be time to stop and think. Is your relationship built on love or are you looking for acceptance, attention, or security? Is your relationship healthy, or just the best you think you can get?

Are you in an unhealthy relationship? LivingWell can provide resources to help you work through your relationship issues. Give us a call today – 530-272-6800.

Eva Fisher

Eva Fisher

Nursing Director

The content on this page has been reviewed and approved by our Nursing Director.