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Cathy Seapy

LivingWell, Relationships

Sextortion and the Risks

The internet has been around for quite some time, opening the door to things like blogs, online recipes, videos, social media, and websites. Many see the internet as a useful tool. However, it can also be used for dangerous purposes.

With the creation of social media came new risks of exploitation. Given the easy access to chatting with other people online, there quickly became a way to use that access against others, known as sextortion. It’s important to be aware of the risks surrounding sextortion and the precautions you can take against it.

What is sextortion?

The term sextortion comes from the words “sexual extortion” put together. Sextortion occurs when abusers threaten another person with their intimate or explicit photos in attempt to either gain more or get money from the person they are targeting. “Unfortunately, children are often the targets of sextortionists. The FBI warns of a dramatic increase in children being threatened to share explicit imagines online, with boys ages 14-17 as the most common targets” (Wilcock).

In the majority of cases, victims of sextortion are led to believe that the person they were communicating with was someone their age. Of course, this lie can be easily dispelled once an investigation is launched. Unfortunately, most of the victims of sextortion are too young to know how to properly handle a sextortion situation. They are too afraid and ashamed to tell a trusted adult, causing the abuse and exploitation to continue over a period of time. In some cases, it becomes so extreme that the victim will take their own life in fear of, or in response to, any explicit pictures or videos being leaked to the public.

In most cases, complying with what the perpetrator is asking of you, specifically financially, will only make the situation worse. “For 64% of victims who complied with threats, the demands did not stop. In fact, 68% reported an increase in threats after complying” (Wilcock). This makes victims feel stuck and like they have no choice but to continue to comply.

Sextortion is a sickening and heartbreaking occurrence that targets innocent young people every day.

Where does sextortion usually happen?

There are quite a few apps where sextortion usually takes place. They consist of:

  • Social media (Instagram, WhatsApp, Facebook, etc.)
  • Discord
  • Online chatrooms
  • Gaming chatrooms
  • Gaming voice chats

Gaming is one main outlet that is used to target younger players. In most popular video games, such as Call of Duty, Minecraft, or Fortnite, chatting with other online players is an option. While some are typing messages to other players, games like Fortnite have an option to join up with other players for a game, allowing you to play with random people in your queue and even chat with them over a voice chat during the game.

This is where the danger tends to happen. Sextortionists tend to pose as a younger person in order to establish trust with the victim. They play more games with them and eventually exchange handles for other chatting apps, typically Discord. “Sexual predators and other bad actors have found an easy access point into the lives of young people: they are meeting them online through multiplayer video games and chat apps, making virtual connections right in their victims’ homes” (Bowles).

It’s important to remain safe in the virtual world. Be aware and don’t give out any personal information or imagery.

How can I avoid sextortion?

Avoiding sextortion can be as simple as following basic internet safety rules. There are a few steps you can take to protect yourself, such as:

  • Not communicating with strangers online
  • Avoiding online chatrooms with people you don’t know
  • Making your social media accounts private
  • Not responding to unknown messages or message requests
  • Avoiding taking and sharing any explicit photos or videos of yourself
  • Be on the lookout for suspicious behavior in those around you

These steps may seem easy from the outside, but we know that there can be more to it than following simple steps. If you don’t want to make your social media account private, be mindful of the messages you are receiving!

Be aware of the intentions of others around you. “In 59% of sextortion cases, the victim knew the perpetrator in person and had a relationship with them when images were shared” (Wilcock). Make sure you are surrounded by people that you can trust wholeheartedly. Be attentive to what people may say or what they may ask of you. You are under no obligation to give or send them anything!

What should I do if I’m being targeted by a sextortionist?

If you are experiencing sextortion, it’s important to tell someone right away. Don’t focus solely on whatever shame or embarrassment you may be feeling. First and foremost, speaking up about your situation and getting help is the biggest step you can take. Next, report the person who is targeting you on whatever platform they are using and alert the authorities. Sextortion doesn’t have to be your reality. There is a way out!

How can I heal from a sextortion experience?

First off, it’s important to remember that what happened was not your fault. The shame and embarrassment can feel crippling, but it is possible to find freedom. Talk with someone you trust who will be there to listen and support you. You never have to feel ashamed for being targeted against your will. You are valued and loved, and no experience can change that fact!

How We Can Help

If you need a safe space to talk about your experiences, or find yourself needing pregnancy or STD testing, we are here to help you. Schedule your safe and confidential appointment by clicking here, calling us at (530)-272-6800, or texting us at (530)-802-0858.

Sources and Links

Bowles, Nellie. Video Games and Online Chats are ‘Hunting Grounds’ for Sexual Predators. The New York Times. 2019.

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2019/12/07/us/video-games-child-sex-abuse.html

Wilcock, Morgan. What is Sextortion? Everything You Need to Know. Gabb. 2024.

https://gabb.com/blog/sextortion-meaning/

Cathy Seapy
CEO

The content on this page has been reviewed and approved by our CEO.

LivingWell, Parenting, Relationships

Understanding Child Support

So you want to start your child support process. Child support can be intimidating if you don’t know how it works! This blog is here to help answer your questions and give you an understanding of child support so you can be more confident moving forward.

Note: There are links attached to certain words that will bring you to a reliable informative site if you need more information on that specific topic.

What is child support?

To put it simply, child support is when one parent pays the other parent to help support their child financially. “Most frequently, child support is paid by the non-custodial parent to the custodial parent, but this is not always the case” (Wolf). Depending on circumstances and how many children you have, the amount of child support being paid can vary. Child support stays active until the supported child turns 18, unless circumstances demand otherwise. Each state’s child support may look a bit different. Visit this link to find your state and learn about your specific guidelines.

What is child support used for?

The money given to you by child support is meant to financially support the child involved. It’s not intended to be used for the parent’s own personal use. According to Jennifer Wolf at VeryWell Family, child support funds can be used to pay for expenses like:

  • Housing
  • Food and clothing
  • Toys
  • Medical expenses
  • School expenses
  • Extracurricular activities

How do I know if I qualify for child support?

According to an article by Danielle Gilmore, there are a few things that the court analyzes when receiving an application for child support. These things include the necessities of the child, the income and financial situation of both parents, and the physical and emotional state of the child. You can learn more about your child support eligibility by meeting with an attorney.

How do I begin my child support process?

This is the part where you may begin to feel intimidated. You don’t have to be! The basis of the child support process is built up of three steps.

  • Have information on the child’s other parent
  • First, you’re going to need simple information on your child’s other parent. This could be their employer or workplace, birthdate, address, or social security number. If you have none of these, visit this link to find resources available to help you find more information.
  • Confirm paternity
  • In order to move forward with child support, you’re going to need proof of paternity for the father. If the father’s identity is in question or the parents are unmarried, some courts will use DNA testing to confirm his paternity, while others may just have the father sign a form where they acknowledge their paternity.
  • Find your arrangement agreement and obtain a child support court order
  • You and the other parent are allowed to come to an agreement independently. This is called child support by agreement. However, if you do this, you have no legal bind in the agreement. If something goes wrong, the court and the state will not be able to enforce your chosen agreement since it was not solidified legally. This is why it’s recommended to sort out your arrangement in a family court and obtain a child support court order, which is a legally binding document of your agreed upon arrangement.

Can I make an appeal to change my child support amount?

You certainly can make an appeal! If circumstances in the child’s life have changed, you can ask the court to either decrease or increase the amount of child support that you are receiving. You will need to provide proof of the reason you are asking for the change. The court will either accept or deny your request.

How We Can Help

If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy or need support, we are here to help you. Schedule your safe and confidential appointment by clicking here, calling us at (530)-272-6800, or texting us at (530)-802-0858.

Sources and Links

Armstrong, Hal. Child Support by Agreement. FindLaw. May 2023.
https://www.findlaw.com/family/child-support/child-support-by-agreement.html 
Armstrong, Hal. Child Support by Court Order. FindLaw. June 2023.
https://www.findlaw.com/family/child-support/child-support-by-court-order.html 
Armstrong, Hal. Getting Child Support Checklist. FindLaw. June 2023.
https://www.findlaw.com/family/child-support/getting-child-support-checklist.html 
Gilmore, Danielle. Child Support Eligibility. FindLaw. June 2023.
https://www.findlaw.com/family/child-support/are-you-eligible-for-child support.html#:~:text=The%20
court%20considers%20other%20factors,The%20income%20of%20both%20parents 
Gilmore, Danielle. State-Specific Child Support Information and Guidelines. FindLaw. June 2023.
https://www.findlaw.com/family/child-support/state-specific-child-support-information-and-guidelines.html 
Mascolo, John. Legal Significance of Paternity. FindLaw. June 2023.
https://www.findlaw.com/family/paternity/legal-significance-of-paternity.html 
Wolf, Jennifer. The Purpose of Child Support. VeryWell Family. June 2020.
https://www.verywellfamily.com/child-support-legal-definition-2997472 

Cathy Seapy
CEO

The content on this page has been reviewed and approved by our CEO.

LivingWell, Relationships

Signs Of A Controlling Relationship

Seeing The Warning Signs

Do you feel physically or emotionally trapped in your relationship, isolated from friends and family, and like you hardly have a say in what you do or where you go? If you answered yes to any of those questions, there’s a big chance you’re in a controlling relationship. Whether you’ve been in a relationship for 2 months or 2 years, it’s important to be aware of potential harmful behaviors that may be present.

Being Pulled Away From Friends and Family

Controlling partners in a relationship will often tug you away from people that you’re close to. They want to be the only person who is constant in your life. Andrea Bonlor, a psychologist, writes in an article for Psychology Today that “It may start subtly, but this is often a first step for a controlling person. Maybe they complain about how often you talk to your brother on the phone, or say they don’t like your best friend and don’t think you should hang out with her anymore. Or they try to turn you against anyone that you’re used to relying on for support besides them.” This is one of the most common, and most damaging, signs of a controlling relationship.

Feeling Criticized

Criticism is another common sign that your partner is controlling. “Someone who’s controlling is always trying to undermine your confidence and put you down in private or in public,” Lilianna Hogen writes in her article on controlling traits. “They seem to want to emphasize your flaws and make you feel self-conscious about your quirks.” This can look like:

  • Pointing out small mistakes
  • Critiquing what you wear
  • Making jokes about you in front of others
  • Unnecessarily commenting on the way you act or the things that you say
  • Mocking you

 

Constant criticism, even for the little things, can tear you down and make you feel like you need to change who you are. You may even start to act differently to avoid the constant jabs. This is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

Making You Feel Guilty

If you ever feel hurt by your partner and express this to them, only for them to turn it around and blame you for their actions, they may be controlling you. Controlling partners may have a difficult time taking responsibility and make you feel guilty for something that they did. You might find yourself apologizing to them even though you were the one who was hurt. “A controlling partner will always say that their emotions are your fault. They will use you as a scapegoat and take the role of a victim, even in situations that you are not involved in.” (Hogen).

Invading Your Privacy

A partner who controls you will want to control everything in your life as well. To do this, this may snoop around where they shouldn’t. This behavior looks like:

  • Reading your texts
  • Going through your mail
  • Reading your emails
  • Looking through your personal belongings
  • Checking your social media

 

Most of the time, these invasive actions are done without the other person’s knowledge. In every relationship, you should always have your privacy. Someone who ignores that privacy is someone who ignores boundaries. Andrea Bonlor writes that, “A controlling partner typically feels that they have the right to know more than they actually do. Whether they keep their snooping secret or openly demand that you must share everything with them, it is a violation of boundaries from the get-go.”

You Are Strong and Brave!

It can be hard to take steps forward in tough situations. You can do it! You are strong and confident. Find support in the people around you who can help you move forward and build a better future.

How We Can Help

Our services come at no cost to you. We are here for you if you want to talk more about healthy relationships. Schedule your safe and confidential appointment by clicking here, calling us at (530)-272-6800, or texting us at (530)-802-0858.

Sources and Links

Bonlor, Andrea. 20 Signs of a Controlling Partner. Psychology Today. 2015.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201506/20-signs-of-a-controlling-partner

Hogan, Lilianna. Warning Signs That Your Partner Is Controlling. WebMD. 2021

https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/warning-signs-sexual-abuse-teens-young-adults

Lebow, Hilary. Are You in a Relationship with a Controlling Partner? 9 Signs. PsychCentral. 2021.

https://psychcentral.com/lib/signs-controlling-partner-relationship

Cathy Seapy
CEO

The content on this page has been reviewed and approved by our CEO.

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